When Forgiving is Difficult

Sunday Service December 14 2008 - "When Forgiving is Difficult"
by Pastor Gan Kim Choon

Scripture: Genesis 50:15-21

Why do I forgive?
Firstly, it was commanded by God. Secondly, just as the Lord forgave us, we forgive others. God’s commandments are for our benefit. It is for our wellbeing that God wants us to obey him to forgive others.

This is because un-forgiveness
a) rob the joy out of our life. We may be happy chit-chatting with friends when this person who has offended us appears. Our heart drop and we can’t even smile.
b) is a bondage
Because when we cannot forgive someone, there will be certain places we cannot go or we don’t want to go. That “out of bound” area grows until we imprison ourselves.

c) gets passed down from generation to generation.
Story of Philip Yancey in his book What so amazing about Grace?

BUT Forgiveness is unfair.

For the victim, there is this nagging injustice that he or she has to bear when he chooses to forgive. Because the pain, the hurt and the wound caused by the offender is still there even when he or she forgives.

As Christians, we know what forgiveness is from the Bible, we may learn from books or seminars. But for some of us, it is hard to put this into practice. I used to ask my wife, why was it so hard to forgive. Of course, it is easy to say it when I was the one needing the forgiveness
It is easy when the offence is a small matter – shouted at you over the phone. But it may not be so easy when the offence is grave – schemed behind your back for your downfall.
Read Genesis 50:15-21

Forgiving is difficult
When the offence is graveV15 "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?"
Sold off as a slave at age 17. Joseph suffered injustice, false accusation, imprisonment, loneliness because his brothers ganged up against him. Why should Joseph forgive them when these are his half-brothers?
When the repentance is not genuineV16-17a "Your father left these instructions before he died: 17 'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.'
Although Joseph’s brothers did ask Joseph to forgive their sins, they were so afraid of Joseph that they just quoted what their father, Jacob said to justify that they be forgiven. Not too sure if Jacob really said that. It is our human nature to justify ourselves.When the painful wound is reopenedV17b When their message came to him, Joseph wept.

It could be a cry of sorrow. It reminded him of his painful past. it could be a cry of relief. Finally, his brothers offer their apology that he has been waiting for albeit their tone of insincerity.
Forgiveness is not forgetting. People who want to forget all that was done to them will find they cannot do it. In our Asian culture, we prefer to forget than forgive.

When God says that He will “not remember your sins” (Isaiah 43:25), He is saying that He will not use the past against us. Forgetting is a long-term by-product of forgiveness, but it is never the beginning of it. Don’t put off forgiving those who have hurt you, hoping the pain will go away. Once you choose to forgive someone, then Christ will heal your wounds. We don’t heal in order to forgive; we forgive in order to heal.

Forgiveness begins when we…..
Release the offender to GodV19 But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God?
Forgiveness is a choice, a decision of the will.
Since God requires us to forgive, it is something we can do. Some people hold on to their anger as a means of protecting themselves against further abuse, but all they are doing is hurting themselves. Others want revenge.

The Bible teaches, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). Let God deal with the person. Let him or her off your hook because as long as you refuse to forgive someone, you are still hooked to that person. You are still chained to your past, bound up in your bitterness. By forgiving, you let the other person off your hook, but he or she is not off God’s hook. We must trust that God will deal with the person justly and fairly, something we simply cannot do.

You may say that, “But you don’t know how much this person hurt me!” It is true that No other human really knows another person’s pain, but Jesus does, and He instructed us to forgive others for our sake. Until you let go of your bitterness and hatred, the person is still hurting you.

Nobody can fix your past, but you can be free from it.

What you gain by forgiving is freedom from your past and those who have abused you. To forgive is to set a captive free and then realize you were the captive.
Forgiveness is choosing not to hold someone’s sin against him or her anymore.
It is common for bitter people to bring up past offences with those who have hurt them. They want them to feel as bad as they do! But we must let go of the past and choose to reject any thought of revenge. This doesn’t mean you continue to put up with the abuse. God does not tolerate sin and neither should you. Take a stand against sin while continuing to exercise grace and forgiveness toward those who hurt you.

Forgiveness is unconditional

Let me side track here to comment on the Bible study material we have for CELLS. There is one part in the material from RBC saying that forgiveness is conditional upon the repentance of the offender. Otherwise, there is a time not to forgive.
In my opinion, what was presented is incorrect. I have also read the suggested material recommended by RBC for further study on the topic “When forgiveness is impossible”.
What they originally intended to say is when we cannot and should not condone sins. i.e. we do not say ‘Never mind. Since I have forgiven the offender, let him continue to do harm to me.’ We need to wisely put a stop to the sins the offender has committed.

Realise that God is sovereign
v20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person’s sin.
Whatever harm that has done was done. The victim is often left to live with the consequences of someone else’s sin. The only choice is whether to do so in the bondage of bitterness or in the freedom of forgiveness.

But where is the justice?
The Cross makes forgiveness legally and morally right. Jesus dies, once for all our sins. God “made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Do not wait for the other person to ask for your forgiveness. Remember, Jesus did not wait for those who were crucifying Him to apologize before He forgave them. Even while they mocked and jeered at Him, He prayed, “Father, forgive them: for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34)

Return good for evil
v21 So then, don't be afraid. I will provide for you and your children." And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.

Forgive from your heart. Allow God to bring to the surface the painful memories and acknowledge how you feel toward those who’ve hurt you. If your forgiveness doesn’t touch the emotional core of your life, it will be incomplete. Too often we’re afraid of the pain, so we bury our emotions deep down inside us. Let God bring them to the surface, so He can begin to heal those damaged emotions.

Don’t wait until you feel like forgiving. You will never get there. Make the hard choice to forgive even if you don’t feel like it. Once you choose to forgive, Satan will lose his hold on you, and God will heal your damaged emotions.

Testimony of Sokreaksa Himm
Thirteen of Reaksa Himm’s immediate family, including his parents, were brutally executed by Cambodia’s Khmer Rouge. Severely wounded, Reaksa was hidden by the bodies of his family.
He struggled free, and ultimately made his way to Canada. He found faith in Christ, but for years wrestled with bitterness, hatred and a desire for vengeance – in Cambodia, revenge is a matter of honour.
After the Heavy Rain describes how Reaksa discovered what is truly means to forgive. He tracked down his family’s killers one by one, embraced them, gave them a friendship scarf and presented each with a Bible. But that was only the beginning…
None of us has suffered as much as Sokreaksa.

Normally we complain whenever we suffer. Let me tell you a story of complain
A Chinese diplomat was seeking political asylum in the United States. The interviewer asked him, “What is wrong with your country? Is it the political system?”“Can’t complain,” replied the diplomat.“Is it the social environment?”“Can’t complain.” “Is it the educational structure?”“Can’t complain.”Exasperated, the interviewer asked, “Then why do you want to come to the States?”“Can complain.”

When forgiving is difficultRelease the offender to GodRealise that God is sovereignReturn Good for evil

Ephesians 4:26-27, 31-32
"In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

NOTE: some materials of this article is taken from Neil T. Anderson, Beta Leader’s Guide – The Next Step in Your Journey with Christ, (Tennessee: Gospel Light, 2004), 94-5.