"Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger"

Sunday Service August 31 2008 -
"Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger" by Pas Gan Kim Choon

Scripture: James 1:19, 3:9-12

This evening’s topic is “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger.” But interestingly, many times most of us have the tendency to do the reverse!

Very often many of us are “quick to anger, quick to speak, slow to listen.” We are angry without first seeking to understand, then we speak senselessly and carelessly that get us into more trouble without listening.

Anger is unfortunately a common problem. Everyday we meet angry faces at work, in school, on the road, in the bus, at the shopping centres or at home. It is especially difficult living in this stressful and demanding world. It is even more difficult if we live without God in our hearts. Many people tell themselves “I cannot take it anymore” and fly into a rage.

Anger by itself is however neutral, it is neither right nor wrong.

“Anger is a normal emotional experience…a negative emotion… Although… we tend to accept other negative emotions like depression, anxiety, jealousy, guilt, etc. more readily as part of our human emotional repertoire.” (Dr Koo Soo Meng, Consultant Psychiatrist – Raffles Hospital; Adjunct Assoc. Prof. Dept of Psychological Medicine, NUS.)

Jesus was angry on a number of occasions: One occasion was when the Jews refused to reply whether it was right or wrong to do good on a Sabbath when Jesus met a man with a shrivelled hand; another occasion was when the disciples were stopping the children from coming to him

However, the bible tells us that:
Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Psalm 86:15 But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.
Psalm 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;

So, God can be angry. Sometimes we hear the phrase “the wrath of God” which refers to God’s righteous anger on judgment. But can we also have “righteous anger”? I think there is room for that. We can be angry with the injustice and oppression we see. Anger is actually the emotion behind which moves us into action to stand up against any injustice. However, we are warned:
Psalm 4:4 In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent.
Matthew 5:22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, 'Raca, 'is answerable to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.
The first sin in the Bible was committed because Cain was very angry (Ge 4:5)
Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

SLOW TO ANGER
This is by far the only verse I know that warns us of the possibility that the devil can have a foothold in the life of Christians. It is not the anger per se that is the problem but rather the action following it that may cause us to sin. That’s a need to resolve anger quickly. And we can. Supposing you were angry at home, shouting at your family members in a rage and someone called you. It is your pastor on the phone and you immediately changed your tone to speak nicely.

We often say “you make me angry.” The fact is “you cannot make me angry without my cooperation!”

We need to take ownership of this anger problem and manage it.
Proverbs 29:8 Mockers stir up a city, but wise men turn away anger. 11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. 22 An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins.

BE QUICK TO LISTEN
I am convinced that the key begins with listening since James advised us to “be quick to listen.”
We often fail to listen carefully. Many have this problem of ‘not hearing others first’. A man approached a doctor about his wife having problem in hearing when he himself has the problem.
Who is having the problem of hearing? We often see that the problem is with somebody else and not ourselves.

Listening is a skill. We need to learn to ‘listen to not just the words but the words behind the words (intellect part) and better still the emotions behind the words (emotional part)’. In the course of my study as a counselor, I was asked to listen with the Holy Spirit prayerfully. And learning to listen to my own voices within me (discernment)

We need to at least listen to the intellectual part and emotional part to have meaningful conversations. A farmer went to see a lawyer about divorcing his wife.

“Do you have any ground? “ the lawyer asked.
“Of course, I have 100 acres of ground.”
“No, what I mean is: Do you have a case?”
“Of course, I have a case. It’s where I keep all my important documents.”
“No, what I mean is: Do you have a suit?”“Yes, that’s what I wear to church every Sunday.” “No, what I mean is: What is your grudge?”
“Of course, I have a garage. That’s where I park my tractor.”
“All right, let me put it this way: why do you want to divorce your wife?”
“Well, I could never have a meaningful conversation with her.”

Who is the person who has a problem with “meaningful conversation” ? We must learn to listen carefully and this calls for us to be “slow to speak”.

SLOW TO SPEAK
It is slow to speak and not “not to speak”. Although I am aware there are many verses in the Bible telling us to hold our tongue.

Sorry that I need to pick on the husbands again because sometimes husbands end up not speaking. They return from work and switch on the TV and that’s it. Isn’t it, wives? Research has shown that men speak about 7000 words but women speak 22000 words a day. I am not sure if I got the figures right, but it is true that women generally speak more that men.

Can you imagine what happens when the men have finished his quota at work and wives haven’t even begin to speak when he reached home?

Prov10:19 “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”Proverbs 17:28 “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

It is most difficult to be “slow to speak”. James says that “no one can tame the tongue” and it has the power to set the forest on fire (James 3)
James 3:9-12 9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

Our parents’ generation unfortunately used words that curses, especially in dialects. It originated from the superstitious belief that the reverse is good. They called their sons “pigs” or “dogs” to deceive the devil so that they would not be harmed. It is the lie of the evil one. Some of us ended up being the sufferers of such practices.

My mum used to run me down but thank God that He has blessed me in spite of this. But some may ended up having low self-image and self-esteem.

The question is whether we continue that practice with our children or stop the tradition. I suppose none of us will speak the way our parents used to. But we can be so critical and condemning.
What we say to our children does affect how they think about themselves. It can build them up or tear them down.

There is a teaching for us as sons and daughters of God. Our words have the power of speaking life and death to people. I think there are some truths in it.
Prov 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”
However, I want to caution you that we should not think we are so powerful like God. Hence, we cannot even say anything bad or criticise, in case we do that, bad things will happen in that manner. This is superstitious.

Nevertheless, it is true that we must speak words that edify our children and others.
Prov 4:24 “Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips.”Prov 10:32 “The lips of the righteous know what is fitting, but the mouth of the wicked only what is perverse.” Prov 12:18 “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”Prov 15:4 “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.”Prov 24:26 “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Prov 25:15 Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone.Prov 28:23 He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.

We are able to bring healing and blessing to others through our interaction. Research has shown that it is better to have a meal of bak-kut-teh with good friends than eating broccoli alone at home.
Luke 6:45 The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.
In Christ we are the new creation but we are asked to put off our old self and put on the new self.
Ephesians 4:22-25 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. 25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
James 1:19-20 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

Some years ago, I committed this silly mistake and hurt a brother during our conversation. I talked without first listening to him. Not even giving him a chance to explain. Thank God that he was patient with me and explained why he needed to do certain things. After listening to his explanation, I was however too proud to admit my mistake immediately. I only came to my senses later. I thank God that this brother forgave me readily. Let me conclude by reminding ourselves these verses:

Ephesians 4:29-32 29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Let us speak words that edify and bless others!

I believe (Wo xiang xin)

What a wonderful song, that I first started learning on Sunday midnight and sang during a funeral service at Mandai yesterday morning. Grateful to my brother, Jonathan for suggesting this song for use during a funeral.

我相信 (D Key)

我相信耶稣是我的好朋友
祂为我舍命是我能进天国
我相信天父是我的阿爸父
祂好疼爱我，祂以慈爱安慰我

我相信圣灵是我的安慰者
祂时时同在温柔地牵引我
我相信生命充满美好计划
一生敬拜祢，话出最美的旨意

我相信，我相信
打开心门来接受
选择这上好的福份不回头
我相信，我相信
我的生命已不同
一路上有主来陪伴我
永远不离开我

Funeral

It has been a tough week and past couple of months with a dear sister's death from cancer at the age of 41, leaving 2 kids 9 and 7 and her husband. But, I take joy in that she is with the Lord, no more pain, operations, cancer treatments and confinement to a hospital bed and ward.

I have been privileged to experience how tirelessly and wonderfully Pst Jane has been in these past few months and I reproduce my email that I sent to her:

Date: Fri, Sep 19, 2008 at 4:18 AM
Subject: Message of thanks to Pastor Jane

Dear Pst Jane,

您好! On behalf of Kelvin, Doris, their families, Felicia & Alvin's CPU, thank you so much for your love, prayers, time, visitations, encouragement and advice through the past months. Probably since March (or earlier), we have the privilege of seeing how tirelessly and selflessly you minister to those in need. I know Kelvin & Doris are so encouraged everytime you come to the home or hospital ward, even during your Monday offdays, late weekday nights and weekends. You always make time and were there despite all your other ministry and work commitments. You also did the same for Shuh Ling when her mum passed away in Sept 04. Even this week, with Chinese translation of CPS 9 pending and also on the day of funeral when you have a chinese member's husband passing away on Wed night, you still showed up on Thursday morning. 真真很感动.

I've had many zone pastors, but you are truly exceptional. It has truly been an honour, privilege & blessing in these past months (even for me). This has been a very difficult time for many of us. But, you've made a real difference!

Thank you so much again.

If I may adapt from the bible a final expression:
I thank my God and make mention of you in my prayers, hearing and seeing of your love and faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints, that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, our sister & pastor. [腓 利 門 書 1:3-7]

[This emailed has been b.c.c. to cpu members].

Leadership: Influence

"THE FACTS OF THE MATTER"
"A weekly letter of encouragement to business and professional men and women"
September 17, 2008

Good Morning!
Thus far in our series of Seven Key Elements of Leadership, we have discussed vision, integrity, perseverance, courage and innovation. In our final issue we will discuss influence.

RISK-TAKING is the willingness to incur injury, damage or loss. Risk is dangerous chance. Hazard. Jeopardy. It is to go out of one’s depth. Years ago a commercial jet plunged into the Potomac River in the dead of winter. A man on the shore risked his life by diving into the icy waters to rescue people who were facing certain death.

Risk-takers of epic proportions would include Charles Lindberg, flying solo across the Atlantic (1927); Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay ascending Mt. Everest (1953), Christiaan Barnard transplanting the first heart (1967), and Neil Armstrong walking on the moon (1969). None of these precedent-breakers however were reckless daredevils. In their preparation, they over-studied their subject, going to extraordinary lengths to prudently minimize the danger. But they risked in the sense that the outcome was anything but certain; risked in the sense that they pushed the walls out and forged into the unknown. General George Patton rightly stated, “Take calculated risk. That is quite difference than being rash.”

Followers of Christ act on faith, not risk in the sense that they base their decisions on the unchanging character and promises of God. Yet they risk in the sense that the outcome is not always certain. Consider: Daniel’s three friends, before being thrown into the fiery furnace for refusing to bow down to the golden image of the king said, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up" (Dan. 3:16-18). Or Queen Esther who courageously entered the king’s presence unsummoned, to petition for the lives of her people. Such an act could have meant her death. Said she, “If I perish, I perish.” (Esth. 4:16)

In the Hebrews 11 account of men and women of faith, not everyone was delivered by God from harm’s way: “Others were tortured…faced jeers and flogging…were stoned…sawed in two...” (etc., etc.) (Heb. 11:35ff) God’s expectation for his children is certainly not that they step back from the edge, but that they step out in faith and trust God for the outcome, whatever it may be: “It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going...My righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him…” (Heb. 11:8; 10:38) (See Matt. 25:14-30)

Helen Keller once stated, “Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing at all… Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage.” If you are in business, you can identify with Charles Lindberg and The Babe when they stated, “Great achievements involve great risk.” “Progress always involves risk; you can’t steal second base and keep your foot on first base.”

Listen to 85 year old Nadine Stair, “If I had my life to live over I'd like to make more mistakes next time…I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers…You see, I'm one of those people who live sensibly and sanely hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat, and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have…I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall...I would ride more merry-go-rounds, I would pick more daisies.”

QUESTION: As Jesus’ follower, are you willing to grow past your comfort zone, to prayerfully and prudently attempt exploits for God that demand faith, and that may result in an uncertain outcome? If not, consider the abysmal alternative: “The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” (Leo Buschagila)

My prayer is that you are having a great week!
R. Dwight Hill

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