"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand"
Professor Randy Pausch died from pancreatic cancer on 25 July 2008. He was diagnosed in 2007 with pancreatic cancer. He had an op but 3 months later was told it had spread and turned terminal. In his last year, he chose to live a full life with family. He delivered his Last Lecture at Carnegie Mellon University entitled "Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams" which can be viewed from the Last Lecture website: http://www.cmu.edu/uls/journeys/randy-pausch/index.html
This is a book that is not exceptionally fantastic but helpful reading for those with terminal or chronic illnesses. I have chronic diseases, am on medication and have the occasional symptoms of heart attack but yet I choose to run, work, bless people @ work and serve God where possible. Like Randy, I try to seize the day/moment. I try not be handicapped by the fact that my heart may just stop working anytime as those diagnosed with enlarged left ventricle might.
Many who have no health impediments cannot identify with those with terminal cancers or chronic diseases. We have to fight denial and then depression. I recall how for a period, I was quoting to myself part of a bible verse "To die is gain" but ignoring the first part of that verse that "To live is Christ". Overcoming obstacles and at the same time enabling the dreams of others which Randy did in his last year of life can be insightful and inspiring. A friend from Perth told me she has MS and she takes every opportunity to travel around the world and adopt poor kids from far away lands.
Interestingly, in the midst of reading the book, an ex-pastor literally pronounced me a non-living thing. I was sharing that since young to now, I am not driven by goals or ambitions such as good school results, 5-digit salary, owning private property, high position in workplace, etc. My life has been very blessed by God as my secondary school results have been pretty good, I ended in a uni and course that I didn't expect but yet graduated in 3 years, got a job I stayed 14 years and left not because of low pay/ bonus but because I could not continue to work under a particular boss and I had just 2 weeks ago turn down a 5-digit pay job when I'm no where near getting that amount now and with lesser work hours. So I was told in front of other people "How can a living thing not have goals or not be driven by something?" Nope, I had to disappoint the guy by saying I'm not driven to run a marathon, read as many novels or books as fast as I can, etc
Well, I am amazed (& offended and angered at the same time) how some people think they can analyse or understand everyone. Pity I'm not a typical psychology case study. Basically I'm a simple person. Lacking in ambition. Not a very relational person and introverted. Too difficult for complex people and thinkers to understand. Actually, Jesus was a simple Person. But the Pharisees and others thought he was complex and a threat to their Jewish religion, practice and laws. Most including Jesus' own disciples could not understand his parables which were drawn from everyday living then where the Jews were shepherds, fishermen and crop planters. Jesus was a simple Person. I am fairly thrifty, I still have ties and work pants that I bought when I started working 16 yrs ago. I wear old t-shirts to sleep that are older my than my 10yr old boy. My wife can confirm this. I thought I was doing fine as a simple person but unfortunately that is not so because I'm not a living being. At least, I know Jesus understands what I am going through and how I feel.
Randy in his book and lecture shared about achieving childhood dreams. He achieved some but not all. I presently can't remember having any childhood dreams. Weird huh? Did I want to be an accountant or auditor? Nope. Did I want to study overseas? Nope. Did I want to own a house? Nope. Nada. I was a simple, not too bothered about many thing type of kid. Stayed home after school when my friends were playing soccer on the muddy and wet fields. That's why whether in school or in Uni or Workplace, I always only have less than 3 close friends. Definitely an introvert. Of course, some wiser persons will disagree with me. As Randy says, obviously, "they have me pegged" or at least they think so.
Lastly, life's too short. No point fighting and arguing. But life can be made miserable not by things but people. There is a couple who has intruded into my private life without my consent. Suddenly, I'm the bad guy and they are trying to see how they can help to 'manage' me and my behaviour.
Firstly, some people must realise that sincerity does not equal being right. This applies to Job's 3 friends and the Pharisees. Both groups were sincere. Job's friends was telling the righteous Job that He must have sinned and must humble himself and confess. The sadness is that, with the 'help' of his 3 friends, the righteous Job went from a man who would not curse God but praised God (Job 1:20-21) to one who questioned God and in the end also got reprimanded (Job 40:1-5). The Pharisees sincerely believed that Jesus blasphemed God, and out to destroy Jewish law, customs and way of life with HIS radical teaching and actions. In their sincerity, they got it all wrong.
Secondly, I may be wrong and definitely not as righteous as Jesus or even Job. But no one wants to resolve the root problem. Even as I type this, the root problem is happening. But life's too short, at least for me. I'm not gonna to bother with people who obviously are wiser than a simple person like me. But I don't think I'm a simpleton. God will be my Judge and He will deliver me in His wisdom and way in due time. As an introvert, I only how to withdraw from people who hurt me. That is my one great personality fault of mine. But for those reading this who are close to me, just watch who I withdraw from. I won't speak or look for those people. I 'chap siau' them. I 'bo chap' them. I just withdraw into my turtle shell around these people. Don't bother asking me who I withdraw from. Just watch.......life's too short to keep debating and arguing and justifying each other's views. Especially when people think they have me all figured out. Actually, my best friends like slow_runner know me as a simple person. Ask my close friends. I think they will agree.
Well, I don't share much of my spiritual journey or struggles on my blog. This is one of the few. So, it's precious.
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