Know Your Boundaries in Marriage

Anyone can fall morally

If you think that’s… “something you could NEVER do”  then you are one of those most vulnerable. We have to face the fact we live in a fallen world, and in the wrong place at the wrong time with the right person, we all could make a HUGE mistake.

So here’s the deal. Don’t go there! Set up predetermined boundaries that will allow you to “tap the brakes” before it’s to late.

Some good boundary ideas could be like…

• Other than your spouse, never be alone with someone of the opposite sex.
• Let your spouse read all electronic communications, E-mail, Facebook, Twitter and Texts
• If you are deleting Text msgs…Why? (Smells like trouble)
• Give a friend the password to your accounts, knowing they will check them
• Don’t take a second look! 3-second rule, then don’t look again.
• If you feel your spouse isn’t meeting a need…COMMUNICATE!
• If  a non-spouse says or does something that “attracts you” never speak with that person alone.
• Understand the needs of your spouse (“His needs Her needs” book is a good place to start) and be willing to change and adapt to meet them
• Talk with your spouse DAILY about things that are going on, and how you feel about things
• The above can be exhausting at times, but stick with it. You won’t be sorry

These are just a few, care to add any to the list?

Artie Davis wears a lot of hats and leads a lot of people. He's Pastor at Cornerstone Community Churchin Orangeburg, SC. He heads the Comb Network and the Sticks Conference. He speaks and writes about leadership, ministry, church-planting, and cultural diversity in the church. You can find his blog atArtieDavis.com or catch him on Twitter @artiedavis.

DISCERNING GOD’S CALL ON MY LIFE

"THE FACTS OF THE MATTER"

"A weekly letter of encouragement to business and professional men and women"

Good Morning!

DISCERNING GOD’S  CALL ON MY LIFE

Discerning the will and calling of God on our lives can be one of the most challenging areas in the life of a believer.  I remember having lunch with a highly respected pastor who confided that he was struggling with discerning the will of God. I remember thinking, “Good grief, if he has these questions, where does that leave me?”

Consider St. Paul’s strong emphasis on knowing the will of God:  “Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil. Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.”  (Eph. 5:14-17 – Amp.)

Below are some questions that may help you clarify God’s will and calling for your life: +

1.       What do I want to accomplish with my life? (See Jn. 4:34; 17:4; Act. 20:24; 2 Tim. 4:7,8)
2.       What are my spiritual gifts, natural talents, learned abilities?  (See Rom. 12:6-8; I Cor. 12:1-11, 28-31; 14:1-40; I Pet. 4:10, 11).
3.       What are my limitations, weaknesses, needs and issues?  (See Rom. 12:3; I Cor. 15:10)
4.       What is my capacity in terms of work, time, emotional and physical health?
5.       What phase of ministering to others am I most interested in? 
6.       What results has God given in my past ministry to people?  What results is God giving in my preset ministry to others?
7.       What ministry skills and training do I have?  To do what?
8.       What ministry needs exist in my context which I can meet?
9.       What are my personal development needs?  And how do I plan to address them?
10.   What indications do I have from God regarding His specific leading and call?

·         Past history of fruitful ministries.

·         Promises/verses or passages from the Word of God.

·         Peace of heart.

·         Where to minister; to whom; with whom.

11.   What burden or passion do I have for serving God?  To what? To whom? When?
12.   What affirmations do I have from others regarding their assessment of my areas of strength or specialty?
13.   What can hinder me from responding positively to God’s personal call on my life?
14.   With all that’s been happening in my life, how is God defining ministry for me?

+ Adapted from NavNews “What is your personal call?” - A newsletter of the Navigators Singapore – 12/02/2007

This week may you experience His grace, peace and protection! 

R. Dwight Hill 

Facts of the Matter © 2000 - 2011 R. Dwight Hill - www.factsofthematter.org - Unlimited permission to copy without altering text or profiteering is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

“WE ARE THE LETTER”

August 17, 2011

"THE FACTS OF THE MATTER"

"A weekly letter of encouragement to business and professional men and women"

Good Morning!

“WE ARE THE LETTER”

“Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you. Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives…” (2 Cor. 3:2, 3 – Selected)

Jesus understood the power of example in influencing people.  In fact, he keyed off of the example of his heavenly Father: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (Jn. 5:19) (See Jn. 5:30; 14:24)

Jesus used the power of example to shape his disciples’ lives.  One study reveals that 80% of his three years of ministry was given to influencing them. The night before the cross he washed their feet, concluding with this powerful challenge: “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”  (Jn. 13:15)  

Would the fact that 10 out of the 12 disciples were martyred for going to the ends of the earth proclaiming Jesus as the Messiah suggest that he had shaped their lives by his example?

Years later Peter wrote about Jesus’ example: “…Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” (I Pet. 2:21)  He also wrote instructions to wives on how, through the power of example, to influence their deviant husbands: 

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.” (1 Pet. 3:1-4)

Edmund Burke wrote, “People will learn at the school of example and they will learn at none other.”

Think about how St. Paul forcefully shaped Timothy’s life by the power of his example: “You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance….And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.”  (2 Tim. 3:10a; 2:2)

Paul wrote to the Philippians about the importance of example:  “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you.”  (Phil. 3:17) The word pattern here means a proto type; a model.  (See Phil. 4:9; I Cor. 4:16; 11:1; 1Thes. 1:6; 2Thes. 3:7,9; Heb. 13:7.)

QUESTION: Are you able with a clear conscience to say to the people whom you are seeking to influence, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice…”? (Phil. 4:9a) Is your life in fact a “pattern” that others can observe and emulate toward becoming more Christ like?

This week may you experience His grace, peace and protection!

R. Dwight Hill

Facts of the Matter © 2000 - 2011 R. Dwight Hill - www.factsofthematter.org - Unlimited permission to copy without altering text or profiteering is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psa. 11:3)

"THE FACTS OF THE MATTER"

"A weekly letter of encouragement to business and professional men and women"

Good Morning!

“When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?” (Psa. 11:3)

You and I are observing the erosion of the foundations of our civilization; a corrosion that threatens the very basis of the good life we have so enjoyed. Dostoevsky once wrote that if God did not exist, everything would be permitted. As you look around, it seems that much of our Western world has lost the awareness that God exists, and thus believes that anything is permitted. It often appears that the only spirit that we recognize is our own.

St. Paul, in looking out over the people of his age made this disturbing parallel observation: “…In the last days difficult times will come. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power…” (2 Tim. 3:1b-5a).

C. S. Lewis in his book, The Abolition of Man viewed Western civilization’s disintegration with ever increasing catastrophic consequences. “We are in the process of losing our humanity. It happens that men and women who once were human are simply no longer so. They have become nothing but minds and matter, brains and bodies, computers and consumers, calculators and copulates, constructers and cloners, who believe that they are free and powerful but in fact are being destroyed by the very ‘Nature’ that they wish to conquer as they are enslaved to an oligarchy of ‘Conditioners’ who are themselves enslaved and destroyed by their insane strivings to defile, design, manage, and manipulate a world and a humanity bereft of the God who boundlessly loves them.” 1

As we experience this tsunami that is sweeping away our spiritual foundations, consider the following injunctions from the Scriptures for us to hold steady:

· "You shall not follow the masses in doing evil…” (Ex. 23:2a).

· “…You shall not learn to imitate the detestable things of those nations [around you]” (Deut. 18:9b).

· “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould…” (Rom. 12:2a – Philips Trans.).

· “…Do you not know that friendship with the world is hostility toward God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God (Jms. 4:4b).”

· “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance” (I Pet. 1:14).

· “Do not love the world nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world” (I Jn. 2:15, 16).

QUESTION: Are you more than hungry for God? Starving? When the prodigal son was hungry, he went to feed on the husks. But when he was starving, he went to his father. So, my friend, let me ask you, are you hard after God, or just dabbling at it? I hope it is the former, because only that kind of desperate passion for God will keep you and me from succumbing to the crumbling spiritual foundations that surround us.

1 (First Things, Page 72, December 2007)

This week may you experience His grace, peace and protection!


R. Dwight Hill


Facts of the Matter © 2000 - 2011 R. Dwight Hill - www.factsofthematter.org - Unlimited permission to copy without altering text or profiteering is hereby granted subject to inclusion of this copyright notice.

THE POWER OF EXAMPLE TO INFLUENCE

Edmund Burke forcefully drove home the power of example to influence others in stating, “People will learn at the school of example and they will learn at none other.”  Most secularized people are not about to pick up a Bible and study it. Nor will they bother with church or religion.  But when they encounter Christ’s love, lived out authentically in compassionate service to them, it may well begin them on a journey that leads to encountering the Master. St. Paul affirmed the power of example to influence in penning, “Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you.  Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives…” (2 Cor. 3:2,3a)

Jesus imitated the example of his heavenly Father: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (Jn. 5:19) (See Jn. 5:30; 14:24)

Jesus then used the power of his example to shape his disciples’ lives.  For example, the night before the cross he washed their feet, concluding with this powerful challenge: “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”  (Jn. 13:15)  

Would the fact that 10 out of the 12 disciples were martyred for going to the ends of the earth proclaiming Jesus as the Messiah suggest that he had shaped their lives by his example?

Thirty years after Jesus’ ascension Peter wrote about the importance Master’s example: “…Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” (I Pet. 2:21)  He also wrote instructions to wives on how through the power of example, to influence their deviant husbands: 

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.”(1 Pet. 3:1-4) (See I Pet. 5:2,3)

Think about how St. Paul significantly shaped Timothy’s life by the power of his example: “You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance….And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.”  (2 Tim. 3:10a; 2:2)

Paul wrote to the Philippians about the importance of example:  “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to thepattern we gave you.”  (Phil. 3:17) The word pattern here means a proto type; a model. 

QUESTION: Are you able with a clear conscience to say to the people whom you are seeking to influence, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice…”? (Phil. 4:9a)  If not, why not?

This week may you experience His grace, peace and protection! 

R. Dwight Hill 

THE POWER OF EXAMPLE TO INFLUENCE

Edmund Burke forcefully drove home the power of example to influence others in stating, “People will learn at the school of example and they will learn at none other.”  Most secularized people are not about to pick up a Bible and study it. Nor will they bother with church or religion.  But when they encounter Christ’s love, lived out authentically in compassionate service to them, it may well begin them on a journey that leads to encountering the Master. St. Paul affirmed the power of example to influence in penning, “Your very lives are a letter that anyone can read by just looking at you.  Christ himself wrote it—not with ink, but with God's living Spirit; not chiseled into stone, but carved into human lives…” (2 Cor. 3:2,3a)

Jesus imitated the example of his heavenly Father: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” (Jn. 5:19) (See Jn. 5:30; 14:24)

Jesus then used the power of his example to shape his disciples’ lives.  For example, the night before the cross he washed their feet, concluding with this powerful challenge: “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”  (Jn. 13:15)  

Would the fact that 10 out of the 12 disciples were martyred for going to the ends of the earth proclaiming Jesus as the Messiah suggest that he had shaped their lives by his example?

Thirty years after Jesus’ ascension Peter wrote about the importance Master’s example: “…Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.” (I Pet. 2:21)  He also wrote instructions to wives on how through the power of example, to influence their deviant husbands: 

“Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.”(1 Pet. 3:1-4) (See I Pet. 5:2,3)

Think about how St. Paul significantly shaped Timothy’s life by the power of his example: “You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance….And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others.”  (2 Tim. 3:10a; 2:2)

Paul wrote to the Philippians about the importance of example:  “Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to thepattern we gave you.”  (Phil. 3:17) The word pattern here means a proto type; a model. 

QUESTION: Are you able with a clear conscience to say to the people whom you are seeking to influence, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me--put it into practice…”? (Phil. 4:9a)  If not, why not?

This week may you experience His grace, peace and protection! 

R. Dwight Hill 

Work + Life + Ministry Balancing

Elder Daniel Lim, 15/07/2011
Ephesians 5:15-17, Colossians 1:9-14

Introduction
What does 'balance' mean?
It does not mean a state of equilibrium and tranquality.
It means having the right balance - like a balanced diet.
There is no such thing as a balanced life. In fact life seems imbalanced, but it is divine imbalance. As you live your life for God, more balancing needed.

Discover what God has in store for you as stated in Colossians 1:9-14

Questions we may ask:
- How do I know I'm having the right ingredients in my life?
- How do I manage the various important aspects of my life?
- How do I get the energy to do so much?
- What are God's promises and help available to me in the midst of conflicting demands and challenges?

A SIT - Our Position in Christ
In both passages in Ephesians and Colossians, common instruction to 'understand what the will of the Lord is"

When we cease work, we 'sit'.

Qn: Who are you when you are seated? Who are you at the end of the day when you're not working or teaching your children or rushing your assignment or project?
List down all the roles you play in life (Eg husband/ wife, parent, son/daughter, salesman, lawyer/ pastor/ worship leader/ usher/ brother/sister, etc). Which role is most important to you?

1. Know who you truly are

First: Your most important role is as a child (son/daughter) of God. Colossians 1:12, Ephesians 2:6, 7

Challenge in balancing "Work/Life/Ministry" comes about because of the many roles we all play. However, over-emphasis on any one (Work/Life/Ministry) can be detrimental to your real identity.
For example, if a person's thinks his most important role is as a salesman, then when there is conclict between work/family/ministry, the work always wins. And sometimes, this harms the person and those around him.

You may be a pastor, a student, a big boss but nothing in these roles compare to the high calling that you have as a child of God.

Qn: Today, do you feel that the circumstances of your life have dominated you instead of you dominating it? How many roles that you play overshadow who you truly are?
Remember who you are - a child of God, partakers of a glorious inheritance, called to dominate, strenghtened with might, delivered from darkness and conveyed into the Kingdom of His love.

2. Determine your Non-negotiables
Eph 5: 'Walk circumspectly' - It means to be watchful. We need to be watchful that we are building our lives from inside out and not outside in. The things you do do not make you who you are. You do things because of who you are.

A Christian should Determine 4 Non-negotiable in life:
a Loves God - Inner Life
b Relates to Others - Family, relationships
c Productive - Work
d Serves God - Ministry


The above 4 need not be in equal quantity bit they should all characterise a Christian's life at any one time.

Qn: Do you have non-negotiable essentials in all above 4 areas of your life?

B WALK - Our Performance as Co-workers
Performance doesn't change who we are. Whether we are a top boss or janitor, we are all equal because we are a child of God.

However, because we have a high calling to be sons of God, we must take every opportunity to improve ourselves so that we may "walk worthy of the Lord".

Espesians 5:16: We all have limited time whether we are young or old, rich or poor.

6 practical traits of many fruitful christians
1  Speed
Speed is neither rush nor rashness. It is efficiency - doing things as slow as it is needed to be good but in the quickest time possible.
Procrastination is buying time on credit and like anything bought on credit, it comes with interest. Do not think something will become easier if procrastinate & do it later.

2  Simplify
Sometimes, you need to simplify a part of your ambition in order to fit time in for ministry or to simplify your ministry to fit more of your family.

3  Single-mindedness
Being single-minded means to pursue certain goals in each non-negotiable area of your life. Sadly this mainly applies to work but it should apply to our family and personal walk with God.

4  Scheduling
What is worse than busyness? It is messy busyness!

a. Plan the Predictable
Plan your day/week/month
Allocate time to non-negotiable areas of your life
b. Create space for the unpredictable
Things that require urgent attention that can upset your schedule.

5  Stamina
Build your stamina by learing to accept increasing demands & pressures.

6  God's Seasons
We need to discern the seasons of God in our life right now.
Never presume your timing is God's timing. To discern God's seasons

C STAND - Our posture amidst challenges
Challenges come from (a) Conflicting demands, (b) Competition and (c) even Self-inflicted.

Ephesians 6: 13: "....having done all, to stand"

4 types of Christians
1 Some are like Balloon: Caried by the wind, connected to God by a thin line that can be easily broken. Every now & then the balloon becomes delfated and needs injection of helium again
2 Some are like Wheelbarrow: Won't move until they are pushed
3 Some like a Kitten: Always looking to be cuddled
4 What God is looking for: A Rock for God to build His church. What does a rock do when current hits it? It does nothing except to stand.
Remember Moses in front of the Red Sea with the Egyptian army behind. God told Moses to cease from all actions but to just stand still & see the salvation of God: Exodus 14:13.

2 things we can do to overcome the world and its challenges
1 Enlist God's help by faith
Most conflicts & challenges revolve around time. We are limited by time but God is not.
We don't just manage our time by skills but we need to learn to manage our schedule by faith. Psalm 31:15 'My times are in Your hand'
Learn to allow God to work out a miracle (Joshua 10:14)


2 Enter into God's rest by Prayer
God worked for 6 days but rested on the 7th day. Man was created on the 6th day. Man began his life with rest. We are to enter work week from a posture of rest.

The way to enter your week from a posture of rest is to learn to pray over our week. Through prayer we rule over the circumstances ahead of us. Pray over each role and circumstance. Entrust it to God. Don't fret over it and you won't lose sleep (Mark 4:26-29)

True rest comes from knowing that we can rely on God to give us the growth we so need in every area of our life.