Christian Marriage

This Week's Sermon
"Christian Marriage"
Scripture: Ephesians 5:21-33
by Eld Dr Chuah Seong Peng

Introduction
Marriage is a topic that is much talked about because many of us are in it and it is an important part of our lives. There is a lighter side and a serious side to marriage. There is much humour made on marriage. There are also many tragic stories we have heard, when marriage turned ugly.

So what do you think when you hear the word ‘marriage’? Do you get the picture like the fruit of the Holy Spirit in your mind of love, joy, peace and so on or do you get just boredom, repulsion and misery? On the lighter side we can identify with these sayings,

‘Before marriage, the man was dying to hold the woman’s hand; but after marriage, the woman was dying for the man to hold her hands!’

“Marriage happens as with birds and cages; the birds outside despair to get in, and those inside despair to get out.”

The reality of marriage hits home when we see the cartoon where a woman sitting in front of her counselor with the following words,

“When I got married, I was looking for an ideal, but I went through an ordeal and now I want a new deal.”

On a more serious note, the following comment should ring a fire alarm for us.

‘Many so called ‘Christian’ homes today are on the verge of disintegration because of the lack of a leader.’

This evening we want to look at Eph. 5:21-33 and see what Paul has to tell us about Christian marriage.

Read Eph. 5:21-33
There are five parts to this passage.
1. v21 – A hinge statement – The Foundation
2. v22-24 – Instructions to the wife
3. v25-30 – Instructions to the husband
4. v31-32 – The Climax – Mystery revealed
5. v33 – A summary statement

The Foundation Statement
v21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ
A hinge statement that set the stage for this sermon : Two points to take note,
• The believers must submit to one another in the fear of the Lord
• Submission is an act of one who is ‘filled with the Spirit’ (5:18b).
Earlier in v19-20, Paul says a believer who is filled with the Spirit will speak encouraging words to one another; sing joyfully and always giving thanks. Now Paul also says that a believer who is filled with the Spirit will submit to each other because of their reverence to Christ. In this sermon we will look at what forms the spirit-filled Christian marriage will take. How do the husband and wife live out the submission as spirit filled Christian in a marriage?

V22-24 The instructions to the wife
The wife submits to the husband in everything for two reasons:

1. As an expression of her submission to the Lord
V22 ‘wives submit to the husbands as to the Lord.’

The submission of the wives to the husband is an expression of her submission to the Lord. She submits because of what the Lord has done and commanded her to do. It is mot dependent in what the husband does.

2. The husband is the head of the family
V23 ‘the husband is the head of the family as Christ is the head of the church’

The husband is given authority over the wife. But it is not a blatant authority or a dictatorship.
It is a functional not positional head. It is not that the husband is valued higher than the wife in God’s sight. They are of equal standing before God. It is an authority with responsibility. The man is given the authority with a responsibility to love and care for the wife. The authority is given to man to rule in the family to fulfill the purpose of God for both the husband and the wife.

The submission is in all things, not only some things. But the wife is not to submit blindly. She is to give her input and feedback to the husband. The husband is to seek and value the opinion of the wife who is his helper. But the final decision belongs to the husband.

V25-32 The instructions to the husband
The husband is to love the wife as
1. V25-27 Christ loves the church – The sacrificial and the sanctifying love
2. V28-30 he loves himself – The caring love

1. V25-27 The husband is to love the wife as Christ loves the church

The balancing act of sacrificial love and sanctifying love.

On the one hand the husband must be willing to give up everything for the wife just as the wife submits in everything. The husband devotes himself to whatever is good for the wife – even to the extent of giving up his life as Christ did for the church. But that does not mean pampering the wife and live to her whims and fancy. The authority given comes with responsibility. He must work to present her holy and blameless as Christ present the church radiant, without stain and wrinkle. He does so by the washing with water through the word. He purifies her by providing spiritual leadership in the home. They pray and study the word of God. Decision making is guided by prayer and the word. Decision making even though made by the husband is God-directed and God-centred. That is how Spirit-filled marriage lives. The spirit is in control.

2. V28-29 The Caring love - Husband loves your wife as you love yourself

From sacrificial love and sanctifying love to self-love.
Paul now turns from sacrificial love and sanctifying love to self-love. Paul knows self-love is very important for the person cannot love others until he has loved himself. But it must be done with the right attitude and understanding. You must not love yourself too much or too little.
We can also love ourselves too much. That is the tendency for most of us. Therefore, Paul directed the man to love the wife as he loves himself. This is also from the great commandment (Lev. 19:18) ‘to love your neighbour as yourself’. Therefore, the wife is to be the nearest and dearest neighbour to the husband.

The call to sacrificial love may cause the husband to neglect and abandon himself. This is not good. Until the person is properly taken care of, he cannot care for someone else. A husband who is tired, worn out physically will be a grumpy husband. A husband who is not relaxed and contended cannot be a good listener and encourager. A husband who is not spiritually nourished will not be a good spiritual guide.

The Caring love
Husband ‘feeds and cares’, ‘nourish and cherish’ your wife
The practice of the love painted for us by Paul is one that is full of affection and tenderness. Paul says the husband is ‘to feed and care’ or ‘to nourish and cherish’ the wife. To nourish is to ‘draw out something from within’. To cherish is ‘to warm, to heat’. This is the picture of a mother who tenderly cares for her nursing infant. There is much tenderness in this love that the husband is called to give to the wife.

The purpose of the love
The wife will be like the church without spot or wrinkle.
There is beauty both on the outside and inside for the spots come from outside and wrinkles come from within. There is wholesome beauty of the wife because she will be cared for physically, emotionally and spiritually. This can only come when the husband will take care of the wive's needs physically, emotionally and spiritually. Therefore, the husband who loves the wife will be careful in what he does and say. Sometimes what the husband says can hurt the wife more than what he does. Furthermore, the spiritual nourishment of the wife must not be neglected.

Before we get the idea that in marriage the husband is the one who only gives and never receives love, let us hear what Paul says in v28b, ‘he who loves his wife loves himself.’ Paul asserted that the husband who is loving the wife is loving himself at the same time! This is because of the great mystery revealed to us in v31-32.

V31-32 The mystery revealed
The union of husband and wife in marriage is that of a union of Christ and his church.
The union of Christ and his bride the church is a profound mystery that can only be understood by the revelation of the Spirit. The union of husband and wife in Gen. 2:24 as one flesh is of profound mystery as well that can only be understood by those filled with the Spirit. This union is fulfilled in the highest manner in the sexual act in marriage. The sexual act in as much a physical act as well as a spiritual act that bind two souls into one. It follows this union that the husband who loves the wife is also loving himself. His sacrificial love, sanctifying love and self-love for her is as much for her and as for himself.

V33 A summary statement
Husband loves the wife. Wife respects the husband.

The man needs respect. The woman needs love. But the two has become one. They are put together to be one body of Christ to glorify God. They work together helping each other to be sanctified, set apart holy and blameless to reveal the glory of God to the world.

Summary
1. Husband and wife are one in Christ.
2. They are both connected together to each other and to the Spirit of God.
3. They are put together to help each other in the transformation work of the Spirit in and through them towards the purpose of God.
4. The husband is to love the wife and the wife is to submit to the husband.

Practical application

For the husband
1. Express your love to her through words and action:
• Learn to say, “I love you”, “I am sorry”
• A tender touch on the hand, a gentle pad on the shoulder.
• Set aside time together for romance

2. Hold her in high regards. Value her opinion

3. Communicate – openly and honestly.
• No mind reading / silent game.
• Learn to listen, “You never listen to me”
• Learn to talk. Avoid ‘bottled up resentment’

4. Seek the Lord together in prayer and study.

For the wife
Know that submission is the attitude of the mind. It is to be enjoyed and not feared. He is responsible to make the final decision.

How to submit:
1. Be supportive and give him the respect.
Eph. 5:33 (Amp) “Let the wife see that she respect and reverence her husband – that she notices him, regards him, honours him, prefers him, venerates and esteem him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly."

2. Be wise in the way you handle money
• Proverbs 31:11, 16, 24
• When money is in short supply, the wife’s attitude towards the problem and her husband’s ability to bring in the money can either make or break him.
• Men feel as if they are failures when they have difficulty in providing the family budget.

3. Ask God to show you any areas in which you have assumed leadership
Transfer back the leadership gradually.

4. Determine to obey the word of God whether you feel like it or not
If you find difficulty with the biblical principal of submission, confess to the Lord and ask Him for strength. If you find the difficulty to submit, it could be that deep down you have difficulty in totally trusting the Lord.

Closing Thought
The key to a successful marriage is we see three persons in the marriage – husband, wife and God. The husband and wife must learn to draw their needs and satisfaction from God. Therefore, they must live in a life of worship to God.