God’s Order At Home: Children & Parents

“God’s Order At Home: Children & Parents”
Scripture: Ephesians 6:1-4
by Rev Nicholas Yeo

Introduction
The God whom we believe is God of order / decency / peace; when He created universe and all in it, He gave laws for them and allows us to discover them; so laws of electricity / light / maths, etc. There are laws that we cannot choose to disobey or ignore -- we are bound by them. We are affected by them. You can say, I don’t believe in electricity, and then touch a live wire. You will believe it instantly if you are lucky enough to be alive! So also of gravity etc.

Besides creating inanimate things, God also created the animate world; we human beings are His creation; there are also laws that govern His living world e.g. dog laws: fight or lie supine.
To zero in on human beings, He knows that relationships are very important; so He has placed laws / rules / principles in human relationships; and here we can also either choose to abide or not to abide by those laws / rules / principles. To abide will result in order / decency / peace; results of not abiding will be obvious, though not as fast as we can see from that of electricity.
A few sermons ago we saw 3 evidences of a life under God's control (i.e. Spirit-filled life): joyful fellowship (v19), sustained thanksgiving(v20), mutual consideration(v21). V21 also heads the teaching of what follows; v21 underlines principle of mutual submission, elaborated in the 3 pairs of role-relationships: last week, Dr Chuah touched on wives and husbands, today on children and parents; next wk, Dr Tang on employees and employers.

1. God’s Order For Children RD v1.
When this letter was read to the church, children were present; reminds us that gathering of God's people for corporate worship includes children as well; don’t compartmentalise them too much as some churches tend to do nowadays. Christian families attended public worship together (and one young man even slept and fell down from a 3rd storey window!), and certainly parents explained Word to the children then or later.
When young people become Christians, the Holy Spirit of Truth shall teach them. Jesus says, If you continue in My Word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free (Jn8:31-32). When you young people become Christians, you are free, but you are not freed from the normal duties of life. If anything, your faith in Christ ought to make you better children in your homes. Here, you are told to obey your parents in the Lord. Why obey?
a) Your parents naturally want you to do so! And they are naturally glad to have obedient children; even young animals are taught to obey.
b) Your first circle of learning is with your immediate family; you learn obedience in family with earthly father; a good stepping-stone to learn obedience with Heavenly Father.
c) Psychologically, you are dependent upon your parents’ authority. The more you disobey, the more you rebel, and the more dissatisfied you are deep down in your soul. There is no more authority on which you can depend.
d) Parental authority is not their own making; given by God; and God's order for children is simple – nothing more than to submit to G's authority in the parents.
And you may ask: What if parents are wrong? Bible does not say, Children, obey your parents when they are right. But it says, Children, obey your parents for this is right. The responsibility of decision rests with parents. They are going to account for every decision made on the family. Child's responsibility is to OBEY, whether the things they say are agreeable or disagreeable.

However, there are commandments which a child must know, overstepping them is no longer obedience in the Lord. Many a parent has led children to sin. In these matters, you will see the law giving lighter punishments to children and heavier ones to parents. In these times, there should be trust in God rather than having thoughts of rebellion. Child call upon God to preserve him from sad necessity of refusing obedience. Such prayers cannot be left unheard.
Good to see our Master's e.g. Lack of mention of his boyhood days, but Lk2:51, he went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them.

RD vv2-3. To honour our parents is simply to obey them; means to show them respect and love, to care for them as long as they need us, and to seek to bring honour to them by the way we live.
Jesus’ honour of His mother on cross (RD Jn19:26, 27); obedience and honour to mother led mother to the cross; Mary was pained and grieved when Jesus suffered, but in the end, she understood it all. Ashamed of your father, mother? Shame on you. They wore themselves out for you!

The Christian child who honours his parents can expect 2 blessings: it will be well with him and he will live long on the earth. But this does not mean that he who died young had dishonoured his parents. A principle: when children obey their parents in the Lord, they will escape a good deal of sin and danger and thus avoid the pitfalls that could threaten or shorten their lives. Interesting to see that where influence of filial respect is continued, the people live long e.g. the Chinese, Japanese, Koreans. When the bonds of family life break up, when respect for parents fails, the community disintegrates and will not live long.
As long as we have parents, even after we are regarded as being no longer under the authority of our parents, and therefore no longer under obligation to obey them, we continue to honour them.
You are going to be parents one day. What do you want from your children? – money? house? shelter? No, but respect, honour, with which we go to our graves thanking the Lord for His good work of grace done to us and to our children.

2. God’s Order For Parents
In Paul's day, father had complete power over family; e.g. when baby born into Roman family, brought out and laid before father; if he picked it up = accepting it into home; if he did not pick it up = child rejected; could be sold, given away, or even killed by exposure.
The Christian father is completely different; he recognises that his fatherhood is from the heavenly Eph3:14-15, I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name; so human fathers are to care for their families as God the Father cares for his; please note, mothers are included; when word fathers is used, both parents are in mind, as is the case in Heb 11:23, By faith Moses’ parents hid him for 3 months after he was born.
Parents are told to fulfil their roles through 2 things: a -ve command and a +ve command.
-ve command: Do not provoke your children to anger; unreasonable dealings with children can easily provoke them to anger; e.g. quick flare-ups; transfer of work frustrations to home; showing favouritism in children.

Positive command: bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord:
Training = discipline with emphasis on correction, including punishment; the use of the rod of instruction: Prov13:24, He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. Prov22:15, Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him. For disobedience, rebellion, and stubbornness; the punishment should suit the offence; e.g. lying as against cup-spilling; discipline in love and not in anger; fair and consistent;
don’t use a cannon to kill a mosquito; (Also 29:15, 23:13-14); but do it with control and back it
up with teaching.

Instruction: Prov22:6, Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. These are creative years of the child; begin teaching when young: keep toys, wash dishes, sweep floor; table manners, spending habits; relating with people; teach acceptable Christian ways: good moral values and truths; teach the Word;
Live out your example: Spend time with them; take pains to do so in spite of busy schedule; the comfort and happiness in the home is as necessary as the pain of fatherly discipline; seize opportunity for doing so; doing righteousness and justice: Gen18:19, [The Ld said concerning Abraham]: For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.

[Asian Beacon, Vol. 10(2), p57] “The Games Adults play . . . at the customs” (by an Observer):
No wonder the kids are shouting at adults, “Double standards! You set us double standards! Why can you do it and we can’t?”
You catch a boy cheating at a Mathematics test and you bring judgment down heavily on him. Zero. “That’ll teach you not to cheat next time.” The smug, self-righteous adult.
So much for adult behaviour. But watch out at the customs checkpoints. Adults sing a different tune then. A catalogue listing their attempts to evade taxation could go on and on, ad infinitum.
They pour away some of the perfume, lotion, etc. to make it look used. They tear away labels
tell bare faced lies find ingenious places to hide things hand out bribes . . . . . .etc.
The officers pronounce them clean. And when they are over on the other side, O, the tales of glory they tell!

“We hid it over here; tucked in among the other things, and he never noticed!”
“O it was real cheap. So we bought it. But I was a bit scared when that stern looking man was checking our bags: The trick worked – must use it again.”
“O you poor thing! So they caught you! But you are always so honest. How much did they make you pay? O dear!”
I ask you. Which kid will not be confused? Just what are the rules of the game anyway?
Is cheating an adult prerogative?

[The Christian Family – Larry Christenson; pp 88-89]: The police dept in Houston, Texas, drew up a list of “Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children.” Running thru this piece of irony is the recurrent theme of parental example –
1. Begin with infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. It will also encourage him to pick up ‘cuter’ phrases that will blow off the top of your head later.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait till he is 21 and then let him ‘decide for himself.’
4. Avoid use of the word ‘wrong’. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around – books, shoes and clothing. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on to others.
6. Let him read printed matter [or the porno internet] he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilised, but let his mind feast on garbage.
7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as YOU had them?
9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink and comfort. – See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
10. Take his part against neighbours, teachers and policemen. They are all prejudiced against your child.
11. When he gets into real trouble, apologise for yourself by saying ‘I never could do anything with him.’
12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be apt to have it.

Conclusion
Christian upbringing of children is mental as well as moral; also includes instruction; Christian values of truth and goodness must be taught; children cannot be left on their own to flounder; be directive, not non-directive; and when we are directive, do not be too directive, too domineering until we prevent them from learning to make their own decisions and grow into maturity; defend them, and accept them, but at the same time abstain from any pressure or force; our overriding concern is not just that our children will submit to our authority, but that thru this they will come to know and obey the Lord.